|13 Apr 2002 @ 23:23, by Andy Lehman|
To the child of whom we spoke,
They say it’s the little things that make life worthwhile. They’re wrong. It’s you; only you. Your unreasonable expectations and hopes are the only things that add value to my world. How can they tell us to love the little things when all the little things put together don’t weigh a tenth as much as the big, bad thing? Grownups are so nuts. Never forget that, little one. I hope you never learn to rationalize, and to abuse the very concepts of reason and logic, as they do.
To know that you are alive and well, despite all that is going on, is my only real comfort. I saw you playing today. I saw you running up and down the hills, like you were flying. You crossed a desert, jumped over an ocean, even romped among the stars. Nothing seemed to stop you, and you didn’t seem to be afraid of anything. That sight was like standing on top of a hill just as the sun is rising. It hit me with the warmth and tranquility that only you can bring. The care free motions of your dance tell of a view of our universe that has yet to be trampled. One where the glory of consciousness does not need to be bound. Your view may be such a universe in itself, for all I know.
I’ve often told you that I don’t believe in absolutes, and that everything is relative. I lied. When I look at you, somehow I see the heart of good. It’s such a fleeting glimpse, but I know from its intensity that it is as real as anything ever could be. Somehow, through everything, a spark of absolute good manages to survive in you. You demand more than I will ever be able to give you, you know. That’s one of the things I love about you the most. No matter how good things get, you’ll always be asking for better. The voice you ask in is one that no one could refuse, least of all me. I know you don’t do such things out of selfishness, so don’t think I’m saying that. Your soul lives in a world where it is not crazy, or selfish, to expect to be happy. You expect a reasonable and just world. You don’t know how to expect anything else. And I’m here to swear on my life that you will get that world. No matter what anyone says, don’t let that expectation fade. It’s the only thing that sustains me.