|2 Aug 2006 @ 16:36, by Enocia Joseph|
"To err is human, to forgive divine."
We've all experienced forgiveness in various ways. It could be someone said something hurtful and you forgave, or you hurt someone and you were forgiven. Can you forgive in all occasions or are there certain situations you believe are unforgivable?
Recently, the British media focused on the Stephen Lawrence case, a young black man who was murdered 13 years ago. No one has ever been convicted.
[["An investigation is being launched over claims that police corruption helped shield the killers of black teenager Stephen Lawrence from conviction." Lawrence case 'corruption' probe]]
A few days later, I heard my neighbour's son had been attacked by burglars and he was killed. Days later, I saw a woman at the library I haven't seen in ages. I asked her how she was. She said she'd lost her brother under suspicious circumstances. He had fallen from a building. The police believe he was either murdered or committed suicide.
While I can empathise with people who want justice, I know justice only prolongs one's suffering. I believe the only way one can really move on is to forgive. At the same time, I appreciate that it can be really hard to forgive for two reasons. First, as much as you want to let go, you're constantly haunted by memories of old hurt. Second, society has been structured in such a way to prolong the agony. Where will lawyers, the police, and insurance companies be if no one wanted to convict anyone and everyone practised forgiveness?
Years ago, I went to see this counsellor because I believed I needed therapy for childhood sexual abuse. She was coming from the spiritual approach. She said I should forgive. I couldn't accept this. My rationale was "How can I forgive when the perpetrators refuse to admit they've done wrong?" I wasn't in the place of forgiveness; I still believed in the dream that some situations haunt you forever. I also believed therapy could help me come to terms with the experience. After that first session I never saw that counsellor again. I got myself a real psychotherapist who psychoanalysed me for about 6 months until one day I woke up and realised I was neither a survivor nor a victim; which was just as well as it was getting too expensive, and I was a student at the time.
Though I believed I had transcended the victim/survivor identity, I hadn't quite forgiven the "perpetrators." Years later my mother's friend came to stay the night. Her son had abused me but she had no knowledge of this. I stayed out late so I could avoid her. She decided to stay for an extra night. The next morning she asked me for some energy healing. I realised the Universe had set me up good and proper. I was being given the opportunity to forgive. While I was giving her healing I felt myself being released from all the resentment I felt towards the "abusers."
Now I have come full circle and agree with the spiritual counsellor that the only way to end one's suffering is to forgive. How do you forgive? Well there are various rituals I practise that I now want to share.
In one ritual I imagine the person or persons standing in front of me. I also see light coming from my heart to theirs. If it's someone who has hurt me, I say:
I forgive you for all the hurt you caused me in thought, word, or deed.
[I repeat until I feel at peace].
I bless you with love.
If it's someone I've hurt, I say:
Please forgive me for the hurt I caused you in thought, word, or deed.
[I imagine light coming from the other to me].
I bless you with love.
If I've asked for forgiveness I need to forgive myself.
I forgive myself for all the hurt I've caused in thought, word, or deed.
[I repeat this until I feel at peace].
I bless myself with love.
In another ritual, I see everyone as projections of myself. Therefore, the only one that needs forgiving and love is me. I tell myself "I am sorry, I love you" until I feel at peace. See Charity Begins and Ends at Home
Another way to forgive is to love no matter what. When someone is behaving in a way that I find hurtful, I bless him with love. See Love Heals, Love Restores
There are times when another type of forgiveness is needed. Let me digress for a moment.
In the sci-fi television series, Startrek, the crew carry hand phasers that have three settings. If a crew doesn't want to kill someone he sets the phaser to stun, and the victim is left unconscious. If it's a life or death situation, the phaser is set to kill and the obvious happens. There are the odd occasions when an alien is so powerful the phaser is set at the highest setting which dissolves the alien into nothing.
Similarly, there have been times when I have not felt a release after practising a forgiveness ritual or I have found it hard to forgive. This is when I ask God/Love to forgive through me. What Love does is It dissolves emotions of hurt and pain and replaces it with love. I don't worry about how love is manifested, I simply trust in love. I believe this method of forgiveness is effective for all kinds of healing including war torn areas and families that have been traumatised.
I love you all.
Related articles: Love Principles; Understanding; Law and Grace
2 Aug 2006 @ 23:49 by : Hmm
Forgivness has always been easy for me, not sure why, other than, maybe, I know deep down, that it has passed, oh well, nothing I can do about it now, other than takeing revenge somehow. But that dosnt happen either, cause I know, if I was to take revenge, I would be no better than the perps.
3 Aug 2006 @ 10:27 by : Forgiveness
[[Forgivness has always been easy for me, not sure why, other than, maybe, I know deep down, that it has passed, oh well, nothing I can do about it now, other than takeing revenge somehow. But that dosnt happen either, cause I know, if I was to take revenge, I would be no better than the perps.]]
That's wonderful Bushman. Revenge is pointless just eats you up inside.
As a child I could see beyond dramas and let things go. But then I "lost" it for a while. Don't know whether it had something to do with being raised in a country where greed and corruption is the order of the day (Sierra Leone). Then again, corruption is everywhere. ;-) Glad I'm back in my right mind.
Love your website by the way. Wow, is that your front yard? Brilliant! Or as you Americas say, awesome!
3 Aug 2006 @ 16:04 by : Yep,
Thats the view from my window, deffinetly makes the day good, to look out and see Earth, rather than looking out at a polluted city scape. :}
4 Aug 2006 @ 15:52 by : A Room with a View
Hey bushman, don't knock the polluted city scape until you've tried it. London, a.k.a. The Smoke, has its charms. :-)
4 Aug 2006 @ 23:09 by : Right, lol.
Please, I was born in Pasadena CA basicly Los Angeles, I know city too well, lived in it for 37 years, that was enough for me, lol. Oh yes, I miss the days of smog alerts and power hungry cops, lol. They are pretty forgiving out here. :}
5 Aug 2006 @ 00:52 by divinityr : Indeed
Sometimes all it takes for someone to forgive themselves is the spoken forgiving of another
5 Aug 2006 @ 09:55 by : You crack me up, bushman...
To quote one of our famous writers, William Shakespeare (though I don't know why as I couldn't understand what he was on about) lol "forsooth, bushman doth protest too much." lol.
I was born in London, lived in Africa for 12 years and have spent the rest in London. I've learned to love London and tend not to notice the noise. Smog, pollution, what's that then? You want to know how spiritual you are? Live in a city. It's a great place to cultivate loving-kindness and be at peace. lol
I know what you mean though about the great outdoors. I love the English countryside and Scotland is beautiful. I explored Australia a few years back by campervan and it was wonderful. Fell in love with their national parks which look a lot like your front garden. Though I've been to America twice, I've never explored their national parks. I tell a lie, I have been to one, it's called "Disney World." Hehehe
You're blessed to live in such beauty. Reminds me of the film, "Thelma and Louise" when they were driving through the Grand Canyon. Fantastic views. That's in Arizona, isn't it?
Love EJ ;-)
5 Aug 2006 @ 09:56 by : Well said divinityr
Thanks for your comment.
5 Aug 2006 @ 17:24 by : :}
Seriously, I used to think Disneyland, was a national park too. lol. We naturaly forgive the Earth, we are all too eager to see first hand, the gapeing book of natural geologic history. And say, wow cool. Most never see the destruction it took to make the Grand Canyon and Yellow Stone. Most never see the corelation of the Meteor Crater as to the petrified forest, they again say wow, cool. But never see the truth. Never know, one day tourists might go to the city, to see a gang war, and local athority coruption, maybe take part in feeding some homeless people, like we toss fish to Shamu, the Whale at Sea World, and say, wow cool. The beutty of it all, a confusion? Forgivness or denil? Spose I could agree, that all this does go hand in hand, with spiritual educations. :}
7 Aug 2006 @ 10:09 by : Forgiveness
Are you saying Disney World is not a national park? :-) It's a national theme park isn't it? :-)
I take your point though. Let's forgive and transmute everything into Love; as they say in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), "in every action there is a positive intention."
Lovely chatting to you, bushman.
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