Ev'rything is Satisfactual: Discover your inner secret powers!    
 Discover your inner secret powers!0 comments
8 Oct 2005 @ 01:13, by Uncle Remus

Are you naturally amazing?

Have you been sent here from a distant dying solar system?

Do you just enjoy fooling around with radioactive slurry?

Or are you wondering about those subtle body changes that single you out from the rest of humanity?

If any of the above applies, then The Superhero Handbook is the book for you! You'll find the answers to all your questions, plus lots of advice on how to develop your superhero potential. You'll soon learn that you're not alone, that your retro hairstyling choices are perfectly normal (as well as your preoccupation with dubious rubber bodysuits). But, you'll also discover that there's more to being a superhero than saving the planet, changing in phone boxes, and struggling to disguise your fatal flaws.

[Editorial Review.]

Whatever your level of expertise, this manual is full of practical advices, such as whether to use your abilities for good or move over to the dark side.

For instance, just in case you're tempted to abuse your powers or sneak over to the dark side, consider this:

The downside of being a baddie:

[4] Stupidity or pride will always prevent you from fulfilling your true potential

[5] You will suffer terrible mood swings. One minute you're wringing your hands with glee and going "Bwa-hahahaha," and moment later you're stomping around in a frustrated rage. It's an emotional rollercoaster.

[6] You are restricted to two modes of self-expression: slow, measured speech or shouting.

(Hmm...sounds vaguely familiar)


[7] Self-righteousness is a feeling that never turns stale,

Er...wait...no...according to the manual, that last trait goes under the being a goodie category. And, well, as a superhero you'll want to look into that, because "there's nothing worse than a cocky hero with a superiority complex. Though who would blame you for thinking that you are a mighty figure worthy of worship?"

On the plus side, as a goodie:

[2] You never have to say cheesy things like "Leave us" and "No, I expect you to die!"

In any case:

"Superheroes are constantly discovering and rediscovering themselves. They create their own good and evil based on what helps them to succeed and realize their potential. If their motivations produce results that the majority of the population find acceptable, they are known as goodies; if their desires are harmful to the majority they are called baddies."

Makes sense to me.

Excerps are quoted from the Superhero Handbook by Michael Powell.
Content copyright © 2005, Michael Powell, The Superhero Handbook.

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