Symbiophrenic Incursion: inside me    
 inside me5 comments
Tuesday, August 24th 2004, by Brenden Macdonald

Today like most days, I woke up chaotically in a spindizzy of dream calling me to live in it while I pick up the course of another day again.

I went outside and sat on my front porch and my neck was stiff and feeling sore like it wants help, like my head is being squeezed off by a closing fist. In 2000 doctors diagnosed me with something called Pain Amplification related to what they called Fibromyalgia in my mother.

Eventually, sitting on the porch consoling my poor neck I remembered again what this pain means to me, and I relaxed into a deep breath. Then I relaxed into my body for another beginning of the day, foreseeing my course about to go up and down all day from pain to sadness to realization and ecstacy to joy to fear to pain and back thru it all over and over. And this is seemingly inseparably entwined with relative ease of breath and grounding in soma.

I can breathe a way, an open and focussed way, return myself to this vessel, and powerfully remember how easily self-love lightens my emotions and frees my body. I feel like I need help from learned others who understand energy work and can help me manage how much cosmic force is going thru me. I am receptive to the idea that one must follow their own path to achieve a continuity of peaceful flow, yet I am also receptive to the idea that one can possess energies and not know how to manipulate the latent trigger points of this bodily vessel which would help one coordinate and integrate these energies healthily into that peaceful flow.

I feel overcharged like I could cry forever for what feels to be an infinite and evanescently beautiful sadness...



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5 comments

24 Aug 2004 @ 06:19 by shawa : I think...
...that one of your assets is that you are still young enough to re-dress the flow. Less hard work to work on those central channels!...And you have the right attitude, too. Firm in the essence, and flexible to the energy.  


24 Aug 2004 @ 07:03 by bushman : Hmm
I kind of feel that my being has out grown my body, no more room at the inn, so to speak. Like my foot feels inside a tight sock. I don't go to doctors, I just wait to be free. I ignor the pain and bordom most of the time. I don't know anything about energy work, and way too hyper to stay focused on anything in peticular for long, so meditation has to happen while the vessel is occupied with something like hard work. I just find something to do all day, and forget about how I really feel. Maybe in a subconcious way during sleep, things become focused, so alot of times when I wake from sleep, the answers are there, no vessel can hold me. Personaly I know it's all about choice, faith, and hope, and like you say loving yourself enough to push on, and knowing we are devine beings. Have you tryed Canabis? Not as an escape, but as a medicinal herb. Diet plays a really big roll as well, I just recently found that I can't eat banannas anymore, the potasium in them maybe is too high, or my vessel, has found a way to produce its own, so I tend to get overdosed if I eat foods with potasium. My grandma on my moms side was deathly alergic to banannas, and she had pollio. I found sunlight accualy produces vitamins in the vessel. I don't know how much sun you get but I get tons all day everyday. I don't wear sunglasses, since they block certien kinds of light. As for your gifts/energies, you'll be able to manipulate them when you truly need to and most likely you wont even know you are manipulating them, I never notice till a few days later, and by then, the manipulations look more like a syncronicity, or, I hear the old saying in my head, "Be careful of what you wish for, you might just get it" :}  


24 Aug 2004 @ 13:46 by spiritseek : How I do it
I relax my body and not think about the pain,it only escalates it. Your mind is a very powerful tool use it. During my surgeries within 30 days I was able to eliminate the pain without medication. I found that drugs after they wear off only masks the problem for awhile then side effects set in. The body is capable of doing alot of marvelous things on its own. The body will get used to the drugs doing the work and will stop producing its own abilities. Mind over matter works,it takes practice and to release tension by relaxation techniques. Breathing deeply and releasing slowly for a count of at least 3 helps tremendously. Finding some activity you like will take your mind off of the problem too. Do you meditate? Just relaxing your whole body will eliminate some of the pain and your mind not focused on the pain will help too. I just recently broke my ankle,took no pills saw no doctor and worked during that time with the pain and it healed itself.Have faith that the power is within you!  


24 Aug 2004 @ 19:32 by nednednerb : What I think of it
My bodily senses and emotions are inseparable. Relaxing and finding home within my body and breath comes for me with often subconscious emotions of worthwhileness and vital accomplishment, succeeding to make this moment meaningful and contributing. When I get head deep into thoughts, or bury pressing emotions under my heart, I get it in my body, usually shallow in breath by the time I notice to a *gasp!~* and a little more relaxation and return for a while. And then from this point I can allow relaxed selfperception not caught up in my head, and feelings of release, unity, connection appear very vividly in my body like warmth and aliveness, energy bursting brightly from a core inside where the feeling of breathing pleases. All up in my head and down into the base of my spine and into legs go currents of a powdery cloudlike ease of energetic awareness. Then I forget or get afraid and land back in my head!

Back and forth so much!! Thank you for this advice!! This helps!!  



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Other entries in
Saturday, December 1st 2007: The Bird Cage of Spirit
Thursday, August 26th 2004: 'Really, aren't I?' whispered a little (sum-poe try-ing.)
Saturday, August 21st 2004: In being; *(gasp)*... in being: real.
Saturday, August 21st 2004: Coming to terms with the bizarrely essential.



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